How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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