I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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