i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
