Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
