im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
