This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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