I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
