I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
