it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
