Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
