if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
