I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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