Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
