Soap is not a condiment
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
