dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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