"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
