I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am available for nakedness
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
