The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
