She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
