Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
