i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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