$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
