You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
