just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize