I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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