How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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