The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
