actually, I'm a sock model
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
