I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Then you guys just all showered together...?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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