I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
