Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
