It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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