Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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