I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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