i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so that wasnt chicken after all
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
