My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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