Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
