So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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