just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
