More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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