Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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