So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
