there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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