I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
