That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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