I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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