I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
