I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
