a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
