i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
