Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
